Confidential
by Indentity.Classified
Summary: A Troll ghoul and Normie "girl" are chat-friends. This is a story of how sometimes friendship can leak virus and cause a relationship to malfunction. But can ALT, CTRL, DELETE do damage control? Read to find out.
1. Introduction

Confidential

**An Original Story written by: **

** and ALittleRiddle**

* * *

_**Introduction**_

**Online:**

**UnderTheBridge5-2**

* * *

**Welcome, **UnderTheBridge5-2**. **

**You have entered the Private Chat settings. **

**Private Chat Room: Troll Face _ Do you Remember?**

Hey, Rhina Trollmen here.

But you already knew that, didn't you?

…Hey, tell me something, Alana. Do you remember the old days? Can you recall those days where we hid the secrets we refused to tell? Do you remember how we use to talk every day, ever so casually about nonsense that sheltered what we wanted to say deep down? Remember how we promised to tell never secrets so that we could stay BFFs forever and on?

Well, looks like we both lied. And we both broke that promise.

{+}

BUT WHAT I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW, AT THIS VERY MOMENT IS: HOW ARE THINGS FOR YOU? HOW MUCH HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED?

AND WELL…ARE YOU OKAY?

**[****SEND****][****DELETE****]**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

-Are words that can be found in bold are words that the person(s) online are typing.

-The {+} represents that below you are reading what is in the "chat-box". Unfortunately, this cannot be seen, and so the symbol is to help you, the readers, recognized the different between the "chat-box" and "message board" where the messages are seen posted.

-THANK YOU TO ALITTLERIDDLE FOR HELPING ME WITH THE STORY CONCEPT, AND ETC. YOUR HELP IS GREATLY APPRIECATED.

* * *

PS: This looked WAY COLER in Microsoft... Thinking of posting this on DA. FanFic has no coolio fronts...


	2. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1**_

**Online:**

**UnderTheBridge5-2**

**Trans-Tina184**

* * *

**Welcome, **UnderTheBridge5-2 **and **Trans-Tina184**. **

**You have entered the Private Chat settings. **

**Private Chat Room: Troll Face _The Beginning.**

Hey there, Alana.

How was your day? Interesting? Boring?

Anything new?

{+}

**HEY, RHINA. **

**MY DAY WAS GOOD. NOTHING NEW TO REPORT. WHAT ABOUT YOU? **

**ANYTHING INTERESTING? ANYTHING NEW?**

**[****SEND****][****DELETE****]**

* * *

Oh. I see.

Well, there's not much to report here either.

Today we started school again. It was a pretty indifferent day.

What are your classes?

{+}

**A pretty indifferent day? How so, what do you mean? **

**Please, explain. **

**My classes? Well. There's Home-Eck. And Study Hall too.**

**My other classes don't really matter. **

**What are yours? **

**[****SEND****][****DELETE****]**

* * *

Well. Indifferent because it seems the juniors are going to be a little rowdy this year. It's odd, strange even. Last year everyone seemed so different.

I wonder what changed.

Me, maybe? Them? All of us?

I just don't know. But either way, it's something to get use to.

I don't have class with a lot of my friends, but I never do. And that's completely fine. They're a bit rowdy too, a little hard to understand. I'm not sure I like complicated things.

I'd much rather keep things simple, you know?

Like the chats us two have. They're simple with complications and misunderstandings. I like it. its more my pace.

Tell me, what do you think?

Are people this rowdy at your high school?

And if so, are you use to it?

{+}

**WELL. LET'S JUST SAY THAT I DON'T PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO THE KIDS AT MY SCHOOL. GUESS I'M A LONE-WOLF, HUH?**

**HA. THAT'S SO LIKE ME.**

**I LIKE OUR CHATS TOO.**

**THEY SEEM TO KEEP ME BALANCED, IF THAT MAKES SENSE.**

**ODDLY ENOUGH, I FEEL "BALANCED" WHEN TALKING TO YOU.**

**AND YES, THE SIMPLICITY OF OUR CHATS ARE ALWAYS NICE.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Hey Alana.

{+}

**Yeah?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Do you believe in monsters?

If so. What kind?

What species?

{+}

**GOOD QUESTION.**

**I WONDER,**

**DO I BELIEVE MONSTERS?**

**YEAH, SURE. I THINK ITS POSSIBLE THEY EXIST.**

**AS FOR WHAT KIND AND SPECIES? NOT SURE.**

**HAND-BUILT FRANKSTEIN MONSTERS MAYBE?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**


	3. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

**Online:**

**UnderTheBridge5-2**

**Trans-Tina184**

**Welcome, **UnderTheBridge5-2 **and **Trans-Tina184**. **

**You have entered the Private Chat settings. **

**Private Chat Room: TheGarage_GTKU (Getting to Know You).**

Hey Rhina.

Can I ask you something?

**Hi Alana. **

**Please, ask away. Go ahead. You can ask me anything.**

**I'll answer as honestly as I can.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Have you ever felt different?

**Depends really. Define different… **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Different, as in abnormal.

As in odd, strange.

Have you ever felt like you're the weirdest person on the planet?

**Depends. **

**Sort of.**

**I can get where your coming from. There are times when I look in the mirror and feel…different, I guess. **

**I have times where everyone around me seems more average than me.**

**But everyone does. So no worries.**

**But tell me.**

**What's got you asking these things? **

**You're one of the more confident people I know right now. **

**Confident people don't ask weird questions.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

What does a "confident person" look like?

Why don't they ask these questions? Are they no different from you or I? Are they not human too?

What makes a person confident?

**I don't know, Alana. **

**Maybe Natural Selection.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Yeah. Well, maybe.


	4. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

**Online:**

**UnderTheBridge5-2**

**Trans-Tina184 **

**Welcome, **UnderTheBridge5-2 **and **Trans-Tina184**. **

**You have entered the Private Chat settings. **

**Private Chat Room: TheGarage_ThePack, A loyal Oath.**

Alana. Hey. Glad I could catch you, not that you actually GO anywhere. How are you today? Doing well, I hope.

**Rhina. Hey. **

**I truly am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I must say that I am not well. My younger brother got lost today. **

**I had to go and find him earlier. I was afraid. **

***AM afraid. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

What do you mean?

How old is he? Why were you scared?

Did something happen?

**Thankful nothing happened. I found him at a park we went to often as children. He was crying, but he seemed to be fine. **

**He is currently twelve years of age.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Do you know why he was crying?

**You see, my younger brother is blind. He was in an "accident" that involved an older boy throwing a rock in his eye. He's been blind ever since. He doesn't leave our home a lot, in fact he only leaves for school. Our mother was stuck at work and he caught the bus. **

**My guess is that he got off on the wrong stop, and somehow someone led him to that park. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

That's unfortunately.

I'm glad you found him.

But why were you afraid?

**Well. **

**That's a secret. **

**For now, how about we just say I'm a bit paranoid. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

So you won't even tell me.

Well, I can understand.

I myself have secrets too, of which I wish to keep from you.

It's nothing personal.

**Yes, well…**

**How about we create some sort of closure for this sensitive subject? **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Meaning please.

Further explanation needed.

**I would our relationship stay stable. **

**For this to happen, I would like it if we have some sorts of "contact". **

**Let's never tell each other what we're hiding. **

**This is will be the beginning of a forming trust.**

**I don't have to tell you my problems and issues,**

**And you don't have to tell me yours. **

**We can just continue on like this. With these simple conversation about our everyday life. **

**I would prefer if our relationship didn't get too complex. **

**This way, both you and I have closure. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I'm not sure I follow.

But I too would like prefer that we stay just as we are now.

Two people. Two friends. Two different place. Two different situations. Two different life stories,

But One Friendship.

For now, let us keep our relationship simple.


	5. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

**Online:**

**UnderTheBridge5-2**

**Trans-Tina184 **

* * *

**Welcome, **UnderTheBridge5-2 **and** Trans-Tina184**. **

**You have entered the Private Chat settings. **

**Private Chat Room: TheGarage_20 Questions.**

Alana, suddenly I want to know.

What are you like?

Could you be a girl with big blue eyes and pretty blonde hair?

Are tall, or maybe short?

Suddenly I want to know. What do you look like? What feature about you makes you special?

And most importantly: do you like how you look?

**Rhina. Hey. **

**I'm nothing special. Nothing worth taking a second glance at. I'm just skin and bones. My eyes are average hazel, hair wavy and should length, while also being dark brown, and my skin standard American white. The only different feature that could make me special is my big ears and even bigger nose. **

**Thankfully my hair covers my ears. As for my nose, I'll just have to learn how to accept it. **

**What about you? Same questions. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Well as for me, I guess I'm as average as everyone else. For people of my…nationality we have unfathomably lengthy hair, and long nails too. Few of us have fangs.

It isn't uncommon for those of my ethnic group to be short. In fact, it's quite rare to see any of us tall. I'm 5 foot 2, hence my username. (I suppose I'm somewhat of a troll). My shape is rather heavy; my build is simpler to a pear. My hair is black and eyes light blue, shielded by large oval glasses, black.

My curly bob cut with separating curly bangs is the only thing about me that I can call special.

Again, I'm curious.

Alana, what are you like? How do you act?

**What am I like? How do I act? **

**I'm not sure really, I guess you could say I have a rather "limited" personality. I'm quiet, and don't really care for talking. (I suppose you could say I'm mute). **

**I don't take interest in many things, nor do I have many hobbies other than reading poetic literature and playing music. **

**I like watching anime too. **

**I also like to eat – but only sweet things, like for example: cake. In that sense, I resemble a favored character of mine. His name is L, and he originates from an anime called Death Note.**

**I'm quite laid back, yet still responsible and something like mature. **

**My personality is something like isolated. **

**And yourself? Same questions. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I'm the same in the most ways.

(I'm glad we seem to be so alike).

I am not fond of talking – it's too much of a bother.

Instead of just poetic literature, I more just like reading in general. I'm quite fond of all the stories I've read at my school's library. And I'm also quite taken with the books outside my school's access.

My personality is also isolated. I have few friends; in fact including you I have two, my mother.

She's a professor, and one of my best friends.

I too play instruments.

**I am also glad that we are alike.**

**I am also glad to be one of your friends. This makes me happy. **

**My mother, Tina, hence my username, is also my best of friends. She is a kind woman, one who is very passionate about her children, me especially. Slowly she is evolving into accepting what I call my "genetic physical rebellion". **

**What instruments do you play?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Your mother sounds like a very caring woman, one of great worth and rare heart. I play the piano, and also violin.

What about you?

Same question.

**Thank you, and yes her heart is quite rare.**

**Not many humans seem to possess it.**

**It's a shame really.**

**Also: I'm impressed. Those are very hard instruments to master. Hopefully one day I can hear the music of which you've created. **

**The only instrument I play is the cello, and a bit of clarinet.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Perhaps one day, when the time comes, we'll rejoice in a session of musical talents and you will gift me with the honor of listening to hear the music you've created.

**Yes, perhaps. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**


	6. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

**Online:**

**UnderTheBridge5-2**

**Trans-Tina184**

* * *

**Welcome, **UnderTheBridge5-2 **and** Trans-Tina184**. **

**You have entered the Private Chat settings. **

**Private Chat Room: Penpal**

* * *

Hello again, Rhina. I have something I want to ask you.

It suddenly came to mind, and so I suddenly came here.

Will you answer my question if I ask?

{+}

**GREETINGS, ALANA. **

**I WILL ANSWER WHATEVER QUESTION YOU HAVE, BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO ASK SO THAT I CAN KNOW WHAT IT IS. **

**WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION TO ME? **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I'm glad to hear your response.

My question to you is this:

A "real" man less of a man even if he is a woman?

{+}

**I AM NOT REALLY URE HOW TO ANSWER. **

**WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO SAY?**

**IS THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION YES? **

**OR MAYBE NO? **

**CAN A "REAL" MAN STILL BE A MAN IF HE IS IN FACT A WOMAN? **

**THAT IS SOMETHING I DO NOT KNOW. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Guess.

I would like to see your answer.

Just a thought on the subject is fine. I just want your opinion.

{+}

**ALRIGHT THEN.**

**I GUESS MY ANSWER IS THIS: **

**WHAT IS A "REAL" MAN? **

**CAN A "REAL"MAN NOT ALSO BE A WOMAN? IS THERE SUCH A LIMITATION TO THE DEFINITION OF A "REAL" MAN? **

**IS THERE SUCH STRESS THAT EXISTS BETWEEN SEXES?**

**CAN A "REAL" MAN NOT EXIST AMONG WOMAN AS WELL?**

**DOES A "REAL" MAN HAVE TO BE…A MAN? **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I see. So this is your answer.

I think it is…a very collective answer, a very interesting response.

I like it.

{+}

**IS THAT SO THEN? **

**I AM GLAD THAT YOU ARE FOND OF MY ANSWER.**

**IN FACT. I'M HONORED. **

**TELL ME. WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER TO SUCH A QUESTION?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I wonder…

What is my answer to such a question?

I don't know.

{+}

"**I DON'T KNOW" IS NOT AN ANSWER. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **

****-Inspired by the film "Like Grains of Sand", a movie made in 1995 (my birth year) that introduces us to the interesting world of three Japanese teens. One female, two male. All possibly gay, two possible homosexual.  
Either or, it is now recently become a favored movie of mine and I am thankful to have found it.  
I am truly happy to have met such an interesting movie.  
Like many things in my life, it has greatly altered my perspective about this world we all coexist in.

-WARNING: If you choose to seek such a movie, please be aware that this is a fair warning - the movie "Like Grains of Sand" is a movie that included homosexual relations, as in certain scenes with homosexual acts (whatever that may truly mean).  
I can promise that none of the scene withholding homosexual acts involve sex.

-Also: this movie gave me inspire. No way is this chapter like the movie at hand. The movie simple reminded me of a source of pure wisdom that I was somewhat able to tap into and feed into the words you've read throughout this chapter.  
I wish for you all to take something with you while having read this chapter. It is my hope that you gain something to think about that is mind-boggling, so to speak. It is also my hope that you engage in these thoughts and interact with them in a way that gives them life so that you may have progressing thoughts that nurture you're mind and feed it dearly.  
Do not abandon questioning/debating thoughts. Acknowledge them properly with some amount of interest. Digest them well.


	7. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

**Online:**

**UnderTheBridge5-2**

**Trans-Tina184**

* * *

**Welcome, **UnderTheBridge5-2 **and** Trans-Tina184**. **

**You have entered the Private Chat settings. **

**Private Chat Room: Effort**

* * *

Alana. I have a question.

If you could…I would like you to answer it.

{+}

**I'D BE HONORED. **

**WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION, RHINA? **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Alana. What if…

What if you were told that you were loved by someone?

{+}

**IF I WERE TOLD THAT I WAS LOVED BY SOMEONE THEN I WOULD TELL THAT PERSON THAT THEY WERE MOST LIKELY LYING. **

**WHY SUCH A QUESTION? **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

We have been penpals for some time, yes? We could declare ourselves something like friends if asked, correct?

{+}

**YES, I WOULD LIKE TO THINK SO. **

**IF ANYONE EVER BOTHERED ENOUGH TO ASK AND TAKE AN INTEREST IN OUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP, THEN YES, US BEING SOMETHING LIKE FRIENDS IS SOMETHING THAT I WOULD NOT DENY. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I see. I'm happy then.

So does this mean that we tell confirm things with each other with the sense that "trust" plays a role in our conversation? Can we talk honestly with one another?

{+}

**I WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE SO. **

**IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WISH TO CONFIRM WITH ME?**

**IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU SPEAK HONESTLY ABOUT? **

**IF SO, I WILL LISTEN WITH CONSCIOUSNESS.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Is that so? Then please do.

There is in fact something I wish to speak honestly about.

I want to confirm…

Alana's answer from earlier.

Is what you said true?

If you were in fact confessed to, you would throw those words back in that person's face?

{+}

**I SUPPOSE SO. **

**I DO NOT FEEL AS THOUGH I AM LOVED, AND SO I WILL CONTINUE TO FEEL SUCH. HOWEVER, IF I WERE TO SPEAK TRUTHFULLY, THERE HAS NEVER BEEN AN CLARIFICATION ON WHEATHER OR NOT I WAS LOVED.**

**I HAVE NEVER BEEN TOLD SUCH A THING.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

And if you were told such a thing now?

{+}

**FURTHER EXPLAINATION NEEDED, DETAILS REQUESTED.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

You are indeed loved.

Loved in fact by me.

Alana. You are loved,

I love you.

{+}

…

**TO BE TOLD SUCH A THING BY RHINA,**

…

**I DON'T THINK I LIKE BEING TOLD SO.**

**IT...**

**BOTHERS ME GREATLY, IN FACT I FIND IT QUITE DISTURBING. **

**BEING TOLD SUCH A THING BY RHINA…**

**IT MAKES ME LONELY.**

**THIS IS MY HONEST FEELINGS, THIS IS ME BEING SINICERE. **

…**BY MEANS DO I MEAN TO UPSET YOU, I AM SORRY.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Ignoring that "pity" sneer…

Why does my confess make you lonely?

Further explanation needed, details requested.

{+}

**YOU'RE CONFESS, IT WAS AN EMPTY PROMISE. **

**GIRLS LIKE YOU, GIRLS WHO CONFESS TO ME LIKE THIS JUST WHEN I WAS BECOMING COMFORTABLE AND YOU WERE STARTING TO GROW ON ME…**

**IT MAKES ME LONELY. SO VERY LONELY…**

**WE ARE TWO FRIENDS. TWO FRIENDS THAT CHAT ONLINE FREELY, WITHOUT WORRY. BRINGING EMOTIONS INTO OUR CAREFREE RELATIONSHIP, IT JUST SPOILS EVERYTHING. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO THINK ABOUT US. THERE IS JUST ME, AND YOU. THERE IS NO NEED FOR COMPLICATIONS.**

**I DO NOT WISH FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP TO BECOME REAL… **

**IF ANYTHING…**

**I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE EMPTY PROMISES. **

**IF I DID…IT ONLY MEAN CREATING A HABIT OF LYING.**

**LYING, IT IS SOMETHING I DO NOT WISH TO DO WITH YOU.**

**FOR NOW…I WANT TO PREVENT IT…**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

No fair…

Alana, you are not fair.

You do not want a real relationship, but ask that I sell you empty dreams like Peter Pan. Should I send a friend request through my magic fairy dust and make it so that my feelings fly away so it can be convenient for you?

Will it be more suitable for you if I have no emotions at all?

If so, than what to Alana is the meaning of friendship?

Despite my feelings towards you,

I want to know you. I worry for you. I miss our conversations when I am offline. When I am bored, it is you I want to contact.

For me, this is friendship. But your friendship is bleak.

To bend to your will…that is not friendship.

Is friendship not making a stranger into someone that surpasses acquaintance? In order for such a thing to happen…

{+}

**FOR ME,**

**RHINA IS FRIENDSHIP.**

**SHE IS…RHINA. HER. SHE.**

**AS WELL AS ME.**

**HOWEVER, FOR ME,**

"**FRIENDSHIP" IS NOT AN OPPURTUNITY TO "OPEN UP" AS MOST DO, WHICH INVOLVES SOME AMOUNT OF TRUST.**

**I DO NOT KNOW FRIENDSHIP. I CANNOT ALLOW MYSELF TO TRUST IT.**

**IT IS MISLEADING.**

**HOWEVER, EVEN WITH THAT SAID…**

**I STILL PUT SOME TRUST IN RHINA. I TRUST YOU WITH MY NAME, APPEARANCE, AND ETC IN HOPES THAT YOU WILL NOT DECIEVE ME.**

**IS THAT NOT ENOUGH?**

**CAN I NOT KEEP MY OWN SERCRETS AS WELL?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Our friendship,

It conceals all and satisfies us with mediocre exchange of discussion. Our line of trust is very, _very _thin.

So thin in fact that I cannot disguise it, I cannot tell if it actually exists. We are friends, and yet…

Is there truly trust? Does it exist between you and I?

{+}

**PERHAPS IT DOES NOT.**

**I CAN CLAIM IT DOES, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SUCH A STATEMENT TRUE. **

**PERHAPS, THERE IS NO TRUST BETWEEN US.**

**BUT WE, I FEEL, WE BROTHERHOOD. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Brotherhood between women, perhaps?

I…do not wish for such a thing. I am not your brother.

I am your friend, and I love you.

I do not fit such a category, nor qualify for it.

{+}

**IS THAT SO? **

**THEN IT IS TRUE, I AM IN FACT LONELY.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

But you are not alone.

We are lonely together.

Isn't that why we come here and chat together?

{+}

**YOU ARE RIGHT. WE ARE LONELY, BUT NOT ALONE. **

**SO PLEASE…DO NOT LOVE ME. LET ME BE ALONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER BEFORE I SPEAK THE TRUTH OF WHICH I WISH COULD NOT BE NOT LOVE ME.**

**JUST A LITTLE WHLE LONGER…**

**PLEASE, CONTINUE TO WANT TO COME HERE AND SPEAK WITH ME. CONTINUE TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE. IT IS YOU THAT I CHERISH.**

**AND SO…I WILL SHOW YOU MY REQUEST OF TRUST.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Your…request of trust?

What does that mean?

{+}

**IF IT IS MY TRUST YOU WANT, THEN IT IS TRUST YOU WILL GET.**

**IF IT IS A REAL RELATIONSHIP YOU WISH FOR, THEN ALLOW ME TO GRANT SUCH A SELFISH WISH. **

**JUST…NEVER LEAVE ME RETURN TO THIS PLACE AND TO TALK TO ME AND CHAT WITH ME.**

**FOR ME, RHINA IS FRIENDSHIP. **

**I MAY BE ME, AND YOU MAY BE YOU, BUT BECAUSE OF THE TIME WE HAVE SPENT HERE, WE ARE NO LONGER ALONE.**

**WE ARE LONELY TOGETHER.**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

-I do not know if it is just me, but for me, the creation of a relationship seems to be the hardest thing.

I do not know if it is just me, but even if it's been a total of three years, I cannot fully consider trusting someone.

This is an example of my current experience.

One friend, one confession. Years of building what we call a relationship. A misunderstanding, as well as lies.

An insertion of what we refer to as "trust".

This is my current experience. Please, always take into account that when creating a friendship, always consider that other person. That amount of trust you put in them is an insertion of your sacrifice, but no one ever said that that was a bad thing.

It won't always be a bad thing.

I hope you have enjoyed this chapter.


	8. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

**Online:**

**UnderTheBridge5-2**

**Trans-Tina184**

* * *

**Welcome, **UnderTheBridge5-2 **and** Trans-Tina184**. **

**You have entered the Private Chat settings. **

**Private Chat Room: Confession**

* * *

I am not sure. Trust is a frightening thing, however still I am sure…

I am sure that loosing you as a friend and having you return here no longer is an even more frightening thing.

And so, as you wished, I will deepen this relationship and put in an effort to make it real.

I will offer my trust to you, if you will take it.

Rhina. What is your decision?

{+}

**I WILL ACCEPT THIS REQUEST, AND GIVE IT A FORMALE "LIKE" AS WELL. TELL ME, **

**WHAT IS YOUR REQUEST OF TRUST TO ME?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I will prove myself to you with the telling of a dear secret.

This is my offer of trust to you, Rhina.

Would you like to hear it?

{+}

**IF YOU WILL TELL ME…**

**THEN YES, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR IT.**

**PLEASE, TELL ME. TELL ME YOUR HONESTY WITH YOUR SECRET.**

**THIS IS NOT A PLACE OF JUDGE, HERE I WILL NOT BE SO HARSH.**

**(IN EDITION, HAVING THAT BEEN SAID: PLEASE FORGIVE MY FORCEFUL DEMAND OF , I AM SORRY, ALANA.) **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I accept your apology. Please, consider this a Band-Aid to heal the misunderstanding we have created.

My secret to you is this…

My existence here, it is…misleading.

{+}

**I DON'T GET IT. HOW DO YOU MEAN? **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

My existence, here, now, as a female.

It is, as I said to you, misleading.

I was born female,

But I know for a fact that this cannot be.

I know for a fact that I am male.

This is my secret. This is my offer of trust.

{+}

**ALANA. I AM CONFUSED…**

**I DON'T GET IT. **

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I am what is known in our society as Transsexual, also referred to Transgender; meaning a person who permanently acts the part of and completely identifies with the opposite sex.

Or for me…a monster.

{+}

**A MONSTER? NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN AGREE.**

**ALANA IS DEFINITELY NOT A MONSTER.**

**BUT…MAYBE…POSSIBLY YOU ARE A "TRANSSEXUAL".**

**BUT I HAVE TO ASK: HOW DO YOU KNOW?**

**CAN YOU BE CERTAIN?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

How do I know? Can I be certain?

Well, for me…

Being in this body, this XX chromosome body, it is so very uncomfortable. It is disturbing beyond belief and makes me sick to stomach, so much so that I can never be seen unclothed or fully naked. I…am certain. I know because for me I am a person who is born incorrectly, with a birth defect.

I am someone born anatomically incorrect. This body, I do not like it. It is grotesque. This goes beyond embarrassment for my female parts. When outside and faced with society, I feel as if when I become conscious of this body, I am ashamed.

"I need to hide.", "what if such a body is seen?", "what if I am exposed?"

"Please…do not look at me, for I have unforgivable disgrace."

With this body…there is deep humiliation. There comes no pride in living with such a body.

"And these strange parts…what are they? What is this? It is not meant to exist here, so why is it here? It is not mine. It does not belong to me.", "why am I not like the other men of my kind, why do I miss the correct parts – was I put together wrong?"

"I am…not someone that can exist, not like this."

This is my honest feelings.

{+}

**ALANA…**

**I DON'T REALLY…**

**I MEAN…**

**WHAT SHOULD I SAY?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Why do these tumors exist on my chest?

Why is it that my outsides are flipped in?

Being female, it is something I do not understand.

I am scared, and I have shame.

I am a monster, wearing cheap leathery skin that is too tight.

{+}

**ALANA…**

**I HAVE SORROW. I AM SORRY.**

**I…HAVE PITY FOR YOU.**

**I AM TRULY SORRY.**

**WHAT SHOULD I SAY?**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

I can't even go outside. This is why…

I am so very despite something called friendship.

This is why I find it here, here where Rhina is.

I do not feel I can survive there,

So I exist here.

Please, excuse my unconfident ways.

I have no meaning for the word Trust, and I do not know what it looks like enough to trust others.

So please…take this information, it is my request of trust.

I do not know Trust, but I wish for it to exist.

{+}

**ALANA…**

**THE OATH HAS BEEN BROKEN.**

**THIS SECRET, I WILL TAKE IT TO MY GRAVE.**

**I ACCEPT YOUR FORM OF TRUST.**

**YOU WILL NEVER BE LONELY ALONE AGAIN, **

**THIS IS **_**OUR **_**FRIENDSHIP HERE DISPLAYED ON THIS SCREEN.**

**BUT IF I MAY…**

**[SEND][DELETE]**

* * *

Please, go right ahead.

The hard part is over now…

{+}

**MY SECRET TO YOU IS THIS.**

**MONSTERS, TRUE MONSTERS, WE EXIST.**

**THIS IS NOT MY SPAMMING NOR TRICKING YOU.**

**WE, **_**MONSTERS**_**, WE EXIST IN SECRET.**

**ALTHOUGH YOU MAY NOT KNOW,**

**I AM WHAT IS KNOWN AS A TROLL,**

**AND PLEASE DO NOT THINK I MEAN "INTERENET TROLL".**

**I AM A TROLL,MY EXISTENCE AS WELL AS YOURS IS MISLEADING.**

**YOU ARE TRANS.**

**I AM AN ACTUAL MONSTER.**

* * *

******AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

****My personal experience, it can relate to the feelings of Alana.

Much like him, I know that feeling of being ashamed.

I am African American, and no I won't use the word "black". It plays too much into a certain stereotype or idea of "black" people.

One I do not like or do not qualify for, as I was told by not only those who were not of my race but also those who were.

When I walk down streets or go to places, there are eyes on me.

Watching me. Testing me. Examining me. Judging me.

Watching me carefully and openly.

They watch to see how I will act, what will I do, and try to judge me based on appearance. This is something I can tell.

Not only do they look at me, but my clothing as well, my outer appearance too.

Although having tooken in my large bust and nerd-chic glasses and even my shy-girl demeanor, still I am held under a certain judgement.

It is then that I become aware of the skin I am in.

It is darker then most, and because of how we are looked at by society through media and such, my culture, my race, my people are portrayed in a certain way. Dangerous. Easily angered. Stupid, yet a threat. Etc.

This is how I am looked at, despite the way I appear.

And I do not like it. That is not who I am, not my personality nor my true self.

And yet I am judged and because of those stares I feel ashamed to be "black", even to be me.

Just because of this skin. And so I can relate to Alana.

I too am scared to be seen, and so I fade away my existence silently so that I disturb no one. But because of my skin I am easily picked from the crowd on most occasions.

Somehow, its like being exposed. And something that shame that is felt is so rooted deeply that not even I can breathe and I suddenly don't want to exist.

This is my experience.


	9. Explanation

It's been a while, hasn't it? How are you all? I'm terribly sorry for not doing any updates on my stories. I know it's been a very long time since I've uploaded new chapters, but please continue to be my readers. And please don't hate me!

You see, the reason I haven't done any updating with my stories is due to a lack of inspiration. Writing without inspiration makes me feel like writing is just a job, and in result my stories don't turn out too good. I would hate for you all to have to read stories of mine that lack in an actual story. After all, I want my readers to enjoy my stories and be engaged in them!

So please, try to put up with me not updating for now. I won't stop writing, promise. :)


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